The Change and Challenge

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a free spirit.
I was never the girl who had aspirations of being a wife and a mother.
Being a homemaker was completely out of the question as I was intent on
having a fast paced career that would allow me to travel frequently.
As it has been said before, life has a way of turning out in unexpected ways.
I met Adam through friends.
It was definitely not love at first sight.
We met, bowled, and went our separate ways.
Flash forward six months and our paths crossed again, without us having to
force it.
It was as if we lived parallel lives and had finally reached the intersection where
our paths met beautifully.
At that point I was more calm and so was he.
We had both gone through things that completely changed our perspective on life and we were now ready to meet.
Everything after that is like a beautiful blur.
He courted me.
Spoiled me.
Loved me.
Proposed to me, IN PARIS!
In a year we were married and a month shy of our one year wedding anniversary we were blessed with the birth of Nathaniel.
I took to motherhood like a fish to water, which was absolutely shocking to me.
The love that I have for this little man is irrational and intense, to say the least.
The thing is, I was the first one of my friends or family members to have a baby.
This was HARD on me.
I suffered of severe FOMO (fear of missing out)
So my FOMO mixed with the fact that I really had nobody to share my first time mama struggles made me rebel.
I started to depend heavily on Adam and my mom to watch Nate as I would go to every social event.
I would sleep in as my enablers would take care of Nate.
I didn’t miss a beat.
Bachelorettes, parties, pubs, cottages, you name it.
Then came a moment the truly blindsided me.
I got into a severe car accident.
I’ll save you the details but will tell you that it turned my life upside down.
At first I thought that I would be fine.
No broken limbs and a burn of some sort on my arm.
In the short days after the accident I was in severe pain and started noticing a change in my behaviour.
The things that I was comfortable with had become unbearable for me.
Driving has become a terrifying chore.
A walk through the mall is suffocating.
Being at home has become the most peaceful thing that I could do.
For awhile I fought the negative feelings and went about my life as though nothing had happened.
I pushed down the feelings of anxiety and kept moving forward.
My back would hurt but HEY there’s a birthday party that I HAVE to attend.
This was not a good idea as it made everything a lot worse and I am still dealing with the consequences.
When Nate was fourteen months old I had discovered that I was pregnant for a second time.
Initially I panicked because I was so overwhelmed with my life that I had no idea how I was going to introduce another human being into the mix.
In time I made peace with the fact that I will have another human being to take care of and slowly began to withdraw from the outside world.
I started seeing a therapist.
Sitting at home.
Taking time to myself and spending more time with my family.
Ben came into our lives and my heart had now grown substantially.
Nobody can ever explains how it feels to love your child let alone two children.
Nobody explains how your heart will stop with every cough, every sneeze and every fever.
Nobody explains how your priorities begin to shift whether you like it or not.
Today I spend very little time galavanting.
I dedicate my limited spare time to my truest and best friends.
I spend an enormous amount of time with my family.
I am taking time to heal from all of the traumatic experiences in my life (I failed to mention that I got rear ended with Ben in the car. Luckily he is doing great due to his car seat).
It took two kids and two serious car accidents for me to embrace being a wife, a mother and a responsibleish adult.
There is still so much for me to improve upon and so many challenges to overcome.
I am not perfect and will never be.
To tell you the truth, I am most concerned with getting as close to perfect as a spouse and parent as I can.
I’m going to go with the flow when it comes to other matters in my life.

How you spend your time is more important than how you spend your money. Money mistakes can be corrected, but time is gone forever.
~ David Norris

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