There are a few things I’d like to tell you Nate.
The world is your oyster and don’t let anything or anybody make you think otherwise.
Keep your kind spirit alive, even when you don’t recieve kindness in return.
Don’t become a lesser person in hopes of hurting others as you are only hurting yourself.
Be brave and confident in all of your decisions because those are the two things that will get you to your destination.
Be gentle in your approach with others as you never know what a person’s soul is truly like until you’ve known them for awhile.
Your laugh is a contagious thing, so make sure you share it and spread it.
Keep your blind faith alive because life will show you that miracles do happen once in awhile.
Learn to keep good company.
By good I mean well natured, honest, integral and just all around good people.
Learn to have faith in yourself, no matter what happens, as you are the master of your universe.
Fall in love blindly and hopelessly so that you learn that love isn’t just about that.
Most importantly, keep that free spirit alive because it is one of your strongest attributes.
I’m so proud to call you my son Nati.
I find myself being very emotional this week.
I’m a sensitive person to begin with but this week I’m hypersensitive.
I’ve been racking my brains trying to figure out the cause for my emotional rollercoaster and it hit me;
My baby is turning one!
I can’t remember feeling this way when Nate was turning one.
It may have been because I was sure that I’ll have another child, just didn’t know when.
With Benny it’s a little different.
Adam and I love giving our kids an enormous amount of attention and we are afraid of being worn thin if we have too many kids. So we might not have any more. Is that bad?
Two may actually be our number and I find myself a little distraught over that thought.
I wonder if I truly took in all of those sweet baby moments with Ben or if I was busy doing much less important stuff.
“Benny may be my last chance at the baby stage”.
Saying that out loud burns my heart.
Everything is moving so quickly.
He was just born.
Just giggling for the first time.
I can still remember him being fully dependant on my breastmilk and now all he wants to do is eat with a spoon!
A flipping spoon!
That being said, I can’t wait to watch him grow to be a wonderful human being.
It’s not easy for me as I love to keep my boys close and the older they get the further they will go.
C’est La Vie!
I don’t know about you but my kids love to eat everything that they shouldn’t.
So for the most part I kept Play Doh playtime at a minimum until today.
Today my mother in law made her homemade recipe that shouldn’t be eaten but
is edible nonetheless.
Here is the recipe:
In a medium pot mix:
1 cup of flour
1/4 cup of salt
2 tbsp of cream of tartar
1 cup of water
1 cup of unsweetened Kool Aid
1 tbsp oil
Cook over medium heat and stir until a ball forms.
Turn it out and fold until it has cooled off.
Now enjoy without any worry of your kids ingesting it.
That’s what I call true freedom these days!
Let us not forget the freedom we once felt.
The ability to conquer the world without the feeling of fear or failure.
Let us remember that we used to love jumping into oceans without thinking of the sharks that infest it and the waves that can drown us.
Let us look at our children and remember to help them hold on to that strength.
Help them love that confidence.
Help them be strong.
One day when we aren’t around to help them, they will need that strenth.
Let us not forget that feeling of invincibitlity, because it is that precise feeling my friends, that keeps us going!
After 2-5 stories have been read, this goes on:
Nate: “Lay down here ima”
Me: “Nati, you need to go to sleep”
Nate: “Please ima”
Nate: “I loe you ima”
Me: “I love you too Nati” (As my heart explodes into ten trillion pieces)
I really want him to independanty go to bed but I really don’t all at the same time.
Imagine talking to your parents and explaining your deepest feelings and fears just to have them respond with a dumbfounded look on their faces.
They ask you questions like “what was that?” or look at eachother and ask “what does he/she mean?”.
That would probably be the most frustrating feeling.
This can cause hurt feelings and potentially a fight.
Now think about your two year old.
They have finally developed all of the skill sets to conquor their universe.
The stairs are no longer a journey but a quick few steps.
They’re communication skills, just like their flavor palate, are now developed enough to point out the things they like and the things that they don’t like.
Once in awhile they get really tired and irratble because of that nap that they fought off.
Since they are new to the art of speaking and are very comfortable with the language of crying this now becomes their default response when they are too tired to think.
Here comes the famous tantrum.
It’ a tornado of emotions, screams, yelps, tears and on occassion a stop, drop and roll motion.
It also usually happens in a very public place.
INSERT EMBARRASSMENT HERE.
Nate is not a huge tantrum guy.
For that reason exactly, when he goes into tantrum mode it is exteme.
The first time it happened we were at a mall that is chock full of everyone that I would rather avoid when in these types of situations.
He was very young and insisted on walking alone even though he fell after a few steps.
The moment I tried to put him into the stroller he went into full meltdown mode and there was nothing stopping him.
Rather than try to argue or bargain with him I just let him get his frustration out.
He noticed that his behaviour was not affecting me and slowly began to unwind.
It was in that moment that I realized he wasn’t crying because he was being a brat, he was crying because he was having a hard time communicating his feelings.
As adults we verbalise most everything and the things we don’t say we show through our facial expressions.
This has become second nature to us and we forget that it’s a skill set that takes time to develop.
To toddlers this is a brand new skill that is extremely elaborate. Like with all new endeavors, they face challenges and set backs. Different facial expressions to convey different messages.
Different vocal tones to explain our emotions.
This is all really complicated stuff so it’s no wonder that they lose it once in awhile.
If you ask a dentist to explain the theory of relativitey they would probably feel frustrated too because it’s something foreign to them.
So next time your toddler has a Rambo style meltdown at the mall, ask yourself what they are trying to tell you rather than getting annoyed and yelling.
Today, like most Saturday’s, Adam took Nate to soccer as I put Benny down for his nap.
I should realistically be napping and trying to catch up on all of the lost sleep through the week but I find myself restless.
Instead I make myself another cup of coffee and enjoy it in the company of me, myself and I.
After being married for almost four years and having two young children I find that catching up on sleep is not necessarily what I need.
What I need is a pause in my week.
A time where I can reflect upon what has happened and not to think of what is to come.
I take the time to remind myself to be thankful for all of the blessings in my life and to remind myself not to take these blessings for granted.
I think about a little girl named Clover that lives far away, that I have never met in person yet I feel connected to in spirit.
She is a baby warrior who is fighting the battle of a lifetime.
I take a moment to pray for her and her family.
For her mother Keeley who is going through something that nobody can possibly understand unless they have experienced it for themselves.
I remind myself that broken glasses, stained shirts and tantrums are all things that should be taken lightly as there are so many bigger things happening in this world.
I allow myself a moment to feel deep sadness and pain at the idea that there are things in this world that are completely out of our control.
Then I remember that there are things that we can control.
We can control our temper when our kids act up.
We can allow ourselves to lose control and be supremely affactionate and loving.
We can control the amount of time that we spend worrying about trivial things and apply that time to the important people in our lives.
Once that is all done I get back to the groove of things until the week comes full circle and I am back in my comfy bed with my cup of joe.