A Mothers Tale

He’s in his pajamas at a restaurant.Let’s face it, I wish I was in my pajamas but I am driven by social acceptance at times.

He’s yet to understand social cues and niceties.

This works well for me on a morning like this.

A morning where I feel slightly defeated by my exhaustion.

A morning I wish would turn to night so I can watch Game of Thrones and go to sleep.

A morning where just ONE coffee won’t do.

Today won’t be an organized day.

I will most likely burn dinner and forget to return an important phone call.

On a morning like this I work extra hard on keeping a huge smile on my face so that my boys don’t feel an ounce of my personal defeat.

By tomorrow morning he’ll be dressed in fresh clothes as I sip on my one coffee.

That thought makes me feel okay about today.

It is the cloudy days that make me appreciate the sun. 

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Why My Kids Car Naps Usually Ruin My Day

There is nothing more peaceful than watching my kids sleep.

Peaceful for them, as they are currently resting up for a brand spanking new day of tomfoolery and shenanigans.

Peaceful for me, as I get some time to get my bearings together before having to figure out a way of handling said tomfoolery and shenanigans without losing my mind.

Peaceful until they fall asleep in the car.

This is a very dangerous form of sleep as I am completely unprepared for whatever mood they will wake up in.

There are two reasons why they fall asleep in the car;

One of those reasons is a missed nap and the second reason is exhaustion due a very busy and fun filled day.

A missed nap leads to a deep sleep in the car but a very discombobulated child in the moment that they wake up. They are very edgy and there isn’t much that can get them out of this state. To add insult to injury, these naps usually occur on the way to a place where I am in desperate need for them to behave.

There have been times where I thought that I have avoided the hurricane and I suddenly got hit with a tantrum of the century within ten minutes.

Me: “Nate would you like the hamburger or the chicken finger?”

Nate: “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Me to the server: “He’ll have the hamburger with ketchup and pickles.”

Nate: “NO HAMBURGER. NO KETCHUP. NO PICKLES.”

He then proceeds to throwing his cup of water on the floor.

Server: “I’ll give you a few minutes.”

This usually leads to me taking the food to go and eating it in the car with him as he has obviously cooled off now that he’s blown off some steam in public.

A car nap after a long day isn’t as bad but can sometimes lead to later bedtimes.ย This isn’t as bad as the tantrums are beautifully tucked away into the house where nobody can see them and judge me as a mother.

The worst part of these naps is that they usually lead to poor dinner consumption and absolutely zero regard for authority in the home. This also means that it takes longer for me to get to my favorite HBO series Game of Thrones.

Wouldn’t it be glorious if the kids slept when I wanted them to on a regular basis?!?

The Newage Grandparent

Remember the days when you used to see grandparents out with their grandchildren at the parks, malls, the zoo and all sorts of other fun kiddie places?

I kinda sorta remember those days as that was the kind of grandmother I had.

She used to pick me up from school, walk me home and feed me dinner.

From Friday to Sunday I was at her house and she spoiled me rotten, allowing me to have the run of her home, heart and wallet.

She allowed me to experience a kind of freedom and independence that I didn’t get at home. I was a free bird and I knew that I could never disappoint her.

Although I took her for granted at times, today I can honestly say that the relationship that I had with her taught me to be the best person that I can possibly be.

Watching her taught me to be compassionate, thoughtful, caring, kind and loyal.

My grandmother was happy to be a grandmother.

She wasn’t trying to take back the life that she had given to her children, nor was she trying to relive any part of her youth.

She came from a time where aging was a sign that you have survived all of life’s struggles and it showed character.

A time where watching her grandchildren grow was a gift that was treasured.

Today’s grandparent is very different.

Grandparent’s in the twenty-first century are rediscovering their youth.

They have a thirst for travel and freedom.

They love their grandchildren but would prefer them in small doses so that they don’t have to do anything but play.

After all, didn’t they raise these children’s parents to be high quality parents and caretakers. To do all of the “dirty work” while they swoop in for an hour at a time for a “play-date”.

Gone are the days where grandparents wanted to spend quality time with their grandchildren. Today this kind of a relationship is too much, too hard or just not something they want to experience again after raising their own children.

I spend a lot of time with other mothers and I always hear the same thing;

“We can’t go away for a couple of days because there is nobody to watch the kids”.

This coming from people that have both sides of parents alive and well.

It is one thing if you actually don’t have parents around to help but if they are around and available than what is the problem?

Why would grandparents rather their grandchildren be watched by other people if they can do it themselves?

This is an absolute anomaly to me as my grandmother was happiest when we were around; even if that meant that she had to do things for us that were laborious. 

Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away when I was thirteen and I was not yet mature enough to truly treasure her for the amazing woman that she was. If she would still be around I would be right by her side letting her have the run of my home, heart and wallet just as she did for me.

I can’t say that today’s generation of children will be the same with their grandparents when they mature. 

Unlike my own grandmother the new age grandparent will probably live long enough to feel the negative effects of their absence. They will grow old and realize that their grandchildren have absolutely no interest in them once they are older and have moved on with their own lives.

I thought that part of the beauty of raising a family is to watch it grow and to be involved in the evolution of it.

Not to be a slave, a full-time caretaker or a parent but to be there full heartedly.

It’s a sad sad state of affairs.

Ten things that you DON’T need to get when having a baby

When I was pregnant with Nate I always saw lists upon lists of things that I need to get.
Only twenty percent of these things were necessary!
Due to that, I’ve decided to compile a list of things that are completely useless for your first or ANY baby for that matter.

1. A bassinet
Your stroller comes with the bassinet
attachment. Unlike the strollers of the dark ages, today’s stroller has every attachment possible to make it comfortable for your little bundle to cruise and snooze.
Besides, a bassinet is used for a maximum of four months before you transfer the babe into the much more expensive and expansive crib.

Pointer: the best stroller to use for all intesive purposes is the UPPA BABY VISTA as it’s bassnet attachment is baby sleep approved.

2. Crib Bumpers
Do your research ladies.
Bumpers are a huge suffocation hazard!
They may look pretty but just like your stilletos, they can kill!

3. A fancy shmancy blanket
Same point as the bumpers.
It is a major suffocation hazard and is completely usless until the babe is over the age of one.

4. A fancy diaper bag
Your diaper bag can be a backpack, an old travelling bag or even a sturdy plastic bag.
That shit takes a beating.
If you get one, make sure you don’t care too much about it as it’ll carry food, diapers (both dirty and clean) back up clothing for your babe and yourself. This bag will get leaked into, dropped and put into all sorts of dirty places, like your trunk. The more you spend the more you’ll cry about it when you realize that it’s gone to shit.

5. Baby shoes
When I say this I mean don’t bother buying your 1-3 month old shoes as all they are gonna be wearing are onsies.
Even in the summertime.

6. Headbands
Dude, you’re little girls head is soft and she just wants to chill!
You have a lifetime to make her look “pretty”.
For now, settle on having her be comfortable for the only time she can be completely comfortable.

7. Pee-Pee Teepee’s
HA! If you think that covering your little mans dong while you change him will save you then good luck chuck!
Just learn to change him as quickly as possible as these things NEVER stay on!
If you do get peed on, just laugh about it and save that story for future purposes.

8. 10 diffent baby rockers.
From my personal experience your baby gets accustomed to what you get them accustomed to.
Pick a rocker, my favorite is the MamaRoo, and stick them in it.
They will find a way to love it.
There is no need for ten of them!
WASTE OF YOUR MUCH NEEDED MONEY!

9. Wipe warmers
What a fucking mistake.
Once you get your baby used to warm wipes you are hanging yourself out to dry kid!
A baby knows what you have gotten it accustomed to.
Cold wipes, washing their bums in the sink or whatever other method you choose to use is all they will ever know.
Warm wipes are a touch much.
Don’t ya think?

10. Fancy furniture
This is a serious one!
What you may not understand is that your kid will grow up to chew the hell out of that crib.
Make sure that the crib of your choosing is not filled with any paint toxins and you are golden!
You don’t need to spend an arm and a leg on a crib that you’ll be using for two yesrs.
Focus on a proper mattress as that is what they are actually  sleeping on.

Pointer: NOOK Sleep Systems Organic Pure mattress is amazing and will take you a long way with one baby down to the last.

Fluffy Pancake Recipe

We are a pancake loving family and with two young kids there are a lot of creative and fun ways to play around with this classic dish.

Today we decided to makeshift dinosaur pancakes and I decided to throw in an Elmo pancake for good measure.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups of milk

2 tablespoons white vinegar

1 egg

2 tablespoons butter, melted

1 cup whole wheat flour (or any flour of your choosing)

2 tablespoons white sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

Chocolate chips and Blueberries to taste

Steps:

Mix all of the dry ingredients together  

  

Put the melted butter and egg in a bowl together

  

Pour the vinegar into the milk and let it sit for five minutes until it thickens slightly

  

Mix all of the wet ingredients together 

  

Mix until you get a mildly thin consistency and use an ice cream scoop to pour the batter. It pours out the perfect amount of batter.

   
Use a nonstick pan, on a medium heat and put the batter directly on with no use of cooking sprays, oils or butter.

  

Cook until golden brown on both sides

  

I couldn’t find my dinosaur cookie cutter so I improvised with a boot cookie cutter ๐Ÿ˜‰

  

 
   

I added a chocolate chip as the dino “eye”. You can also use a blueberry

  

Dino buddies ๐Ÿ˜‰

  

Same thing with Elmo

  

  

This is a great way to get the little a to eat their fruit

 

Serve with real maple syrup and enjoy!

Childhood is the most beautiful of life’s seasons

Although raising two young kids can be challenging, I always take the time to remember that I am so blessed to experience it.

Having children allows you to take a walk down memory lane into your own childhood.

Watching them run around, play, jump, scream and be so free allows me to forget about life’s hardships.

Today I was sitting and watching my boys jump around on their first trampoline and watched as Nate’s face lit up every time he got just a little higher.
He kept trying to touch the top of the trampoline and was let down by the fact that he couldn’t.

I found myself catching a glimpse of a time in my life where my biggest concern was whether I can blow a bubble with my bubble gum.
It was such a frustrating thing for me because I was the only one in my mini crew that couldn’t do it.
Alas, on a hot summer day after practicing for hours on my own, I conquered my big bubble gum challenge and felt victorious.

So today I look forward to the day that Nate touches the top of that trampoline.
I hope that that moment stays etched in his memory so that he can go back to it one day and remember a time when his biggest challenge was touching the top of that trampoline.

The Thing’s Nobody Ever Tells You About Having A Baby

I was recently chatting with two of my girlfriends about motherhood.
We had an in depth conversation about everything.
Two of us have kids and have experienced the nitty gritty of it all.
So we decided to share our experiences with my girlfriend that has yet to face any of these “fun” experiences.
That is when it became clear to me that there is a lot that is left unsaid about the delivery process, the after effects and the other side of motherhood.
Due to that I have decided to put together a list of things that all women should know about the delivery and postpartum of motherhood.

1. Contractions in the movies are one minute long and five minutes apart.
They come directly after your water breaks and the delivery process is as fluid as the water that just burst out of the woman.
BULLSHIT!
My contractions were three minutes long and three minutes apart with Nate.
My water did NOT break but was BROKEN by the nurse once I was already eight centimeters dilated and in labour for eight hours.

2. The epidural isn’t scary at all as you are in so much pain from labor that you can’t even feel a fucking thing outside of the stabbing pressure pains in your uterus and vagina.

3. There is a huge possibility that you will be pushing out some poop with your baby.
It’s gross but it’s true.

4. Seeing your baby for the first time, outside of your body, is like an outer body experience.
All you hear is white noise and you feel like you just got stung with a stun gun.
It’s euphorically strange and not an experience the can be labelled as simplistically as “falling in love at first site”.

5. You get twenty-four hours at the hospital pending everything has gone well, the baby is healthy and you didn’t have a c-section.
You then walk out of the hospital, unless for some critical reason you are unable to walk.
None of this “getting rolled out with a bundle of balloons” business.

6. After a vaginal birth it hurts like HELL to pee.
I use the word hell as it burns in hell and that is precisely what it feels like to urinate.

7. Going number two is a nightmare.
Since you have recently pushed a watermelon out of your vagina, you become a bit anxious about pushing anything else out.
Not to mention that that particular area is so sore that it hurts A LOT to poo.
To add insult to injury you are extremely constipated which forces you to push when you are psychologically tormented about pushing.
This applies to the women that have had a c-section as well.

8. Remember watching all of those Preparation H commercials and thinking “that’ll NEVER be ME“.
Well you were WRONG!
Hemorrhoids are very common in pregnant women.
Some of us avoid them during pregnancy and they develop after labor.
They are embarrassing but worst of all they are so irritating.
For most women they go away, for some they are a constant reminder of that sweet bundle of joy that you carried for nine months.

9. Sneezing causes you to tinkle from time to time.
Buy a ton of panty liners and do your kegels!

10. Having sex for the first time after giving birth is one of the most terrifying things!
All you can think about is the labor, delivery, sore vagina, sore bum, sore breasts and that just turns you right off!
Don’t feel bad about it.
Have a super sized glass of wine and let your inhibitions go.
It can be very uncomfortable at first both mentally and physically.
Hey, losing your virginity wasn’t fun either but you obviously got over it, your baby is a living and breathing reminder of that fact.