The Big Plan

There is nothing in this world that can prepare you for being a parent.
You’re either waiting to make more money or waiting for the right time.
Waiting for everyone you know to get on the baby train or for that last big hurrah.
Guess what, life doesn’t end when you have children.
It changes.
You know what else changes, your perspective.
You realize that now you are more driven than ever to make money.
You wish that you would have had them sooner so that you’d have more time with them.
You now know that it’s not about your friends having kids; you’ll still have friends and you’ll meet new ones with kids.
What “hurrah” meant before kids and what it means to you once you’re a parent are two very different things.
So in reality the whole last hurrah thing is a big HOOHA!
It’s so challenging yet so rewarding.
There is no amount of planning that can prepare you for that.

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The Lunch Mission

The other day I took it upon myself to go to lunch with one of my best friends Ivy and both kids. In hindsight this was obviously a bad decision but I try to be optimistic whilst in the moment.
We hit up one of my favorite spots, Lady Marmalade.
It’s a small, quaint and very eclectic restaurant.
Furnished with mismatched chairs and tables, showcasing local artists work on the walls (for sale, of course).
They have by far the BEST eggs Benedict in town and their food in general is fresh, locally grown and delectable.
We get in and Ivy helps me get the kids out of their thick layers and settled into their seats.
I situate myself between both kids and am about to glance at the menu.
Suddenly Ben grabs the menu and throws it on the floor, Nate starts demanding apple juice and the lunch begins to come undone.

Me: Nate do you want a sandwich or rice with chicken?
Nate: SANDWICH!

Me: Can I please have the club sandwich for him (pointing at Nate) and the scrambled eggs with a side of brown bread for him (pointing at Ben).
Server: Anything for you? (with a look of horror knowing that this is about to get messy)
Me: I need a few minutes, thanks (with a look of horror knowing that it’s about to get messy)

Ivy chimes in: Apple juice please!

Nate has the biggest smile, Ben is exploring the room with a big grin and we decide on what we’ll eat.

So far so goodish.

This is where the fun begins.

Lunch arrives and Ben is loving the bread while Nate is spitting out his sandwich.

Me: Take a bite Nati!
Nate: No tomatoes!
Me: Fine! (I remove all signs of the tomato)
Me: Okay can you take a bite now?
Nate: No! It’s yucky!

On a side note, this is one of the best Club Sandwiches in town!

This battle goes on for a bit when I realize that Ben needs more food.
To my surprise he eats some egg and continues gnawing on the bread.

Nate is now fidgety and is demanding Bens food.
OF COURSE HE IS!

At this point I am livid annoyed!

I can’t even remember what it is that I’m eating and my blood pressure is through the roof.

I decide to take a pic of the food, knowing that I’ll be venting about this later, and the result is the photo heading of this post (while I try and take the pic, Ben throws his plate with the eggs on the floor. I think he’s trying to tell me something)

Much like that lunch the photo is blurry and out of focus.

The Change and Challenge

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a free spirit.
I was never the girl who had aspirations of being a wife and a mother.
Being a homemaker was completely out of the question as I was intent on
having a fast paced career that would allow me to travel frequently.
As it has been said before, life has a way of turning out in unexpected ways.
I met Adam through friends.
It was definitely not love at first sight.
We met, bowled, and went our separate ways.
Flash forward six months and our paths crossed again, without us having to
force it.
It was as if we lived parallel lives and had finally reached the intersection where
our paths met beautifully.
At that point I was more calm and so was he.
We had both gone through things that completely changed our perspective on life and we were now ready to meet.
Everything after that is like a beautiful blur.
He courted me.
Spoiled me.
Loved me.
Proposed to me, IN PARIS!
In a year we were married and a month shy of our one year wedding anniversary we were blessed with the birth of Nathaniel.
I took to motherhood like a fish to water, which was absolutely shocking to me.
The love that I have for this little man is irrational and intense, to say the least.
The thing is, I was the first one of my friends or family members to have a baby.
This was HARD on me.
I suffered of severe FOMO (fear of missing out)
So my FOMO mixed with the fact that I really had nobody to share my first time mama struggles made me rebel.
I started to depend heavily on Adam and my mom to watch Nate as I would go to every social event.
I would sleep in as my enablers would take care of Nate.
I didn’t miss a beat.
Bachelorettes, parties, pubs, cottages, you name it.
Then came a moment the truly blindsided me.
I got into a severe car accident.
I’ll save you the details but will tell you that it turned my life upside down.
At first I thought that I would be fine.
No broken limbs and a burn of some sort on my arm.
In the short days after the accident I was in severe pain and started noticing a change in my behaviour.
The things that I was comfortable with had become unbearable for me.
Driving has become a terrifying chore.
A walk through the mall is suffocating.
Being at home has become the most peaceful thing that I could do.
For awhile I fought the negative feelings and went about my life as though nothing had happened.
I pushed down the feelings of anxiety and kept moving forward.
My back would hurt but HEY there’s a birthday party that I HAVE to attend.
This was not a good idea as it made everything a lot worse and I am still dealing with the consequences.
When Nate was fourteen months old I had discovered that I was pregnant for a second time.
Initially I panicked because I was so overwhelmed with my life that I had no idea how I was going to introduce another human being into the mix.
In time I made peace with the fact that I will have another human being to take care of and slowly began to withdraw from the outside world.
I started seeing a therapist.
Sitting at home.
Taking time to myself and spending more time with my family.
Ben came into our lives and my heart had now grown substantially.
Nobody can ever explains how it feels to love your child let alone two children.
Nobody explains how your heart will stop with every cough, every sneeze and every fever.
Nobody explains how your priorities begin to shift whether you like it or not.
Today I spend very little time galavanting.
I dedicate my limited spare time to my truest and best friends.
I spend an enormous amount of time with my family.
I am taking time to heal from all of the traumatic experiences in my life (I failed to mention that I got rear ended with Ben in the car. Luckily he is doing great due to his car seat).
It took two kids and two serious car accidents for me to embrace being a wife, a mother and a responsibleish adult.
There is still so much for me to improve upon and so many challenges to overcome.
I am not perfect and will never be.
To tell you the truth, I am most concerned with getting as close to perfect as a spouse and parent as I can.
I’m going to go with the flow when it comes to other matters in my life.

How you spend your time is more important than how you spend your money. Money mistakes can be corrected, but time is gone forever.
~ David Norris