Ten things that you DON’T need to get when having a baby

When I was pregnant with Nate I always saw lists upon lists of things that I need to get.
Only twenty percent of these things were necessary!
Due to that, I’ve decided to compile a list of things that are completely useless for your first or ANY baby for that matter.

1. A bassinet
Your stroller comes with the bassinet
attachment. Unlike the strollers of the dark ages, today’s stroller has every attachment possible to make it comfortable for your little bundle to cruise and snooze.
Besides, a bassinet is used for a maximum of four months before you transfer the babe into the much more expensive and expansive crib.

Pointer: the best stroller to use for all intesive purposes is the UPPA BABY VISTA as it’s bassnet attachment is baby sleep approved.

2. Crib Bumpers
Do your research ladies.
Bumpers are a huge suffocation hazard!
They may look pretty but just like your stilletos, they can kill!

3. A fancy shmancy blanket
Same point as the bumpers.
It is a major suffocation hazard and is completely usless until the babe is over the age of one.

4. A fancy diaper bag
Your diaper bag can be a backpack, an old travelling bag or even a sturdy plastic bag.
That shit takes a beating.
If you get one, make sure you don’t care too much about it as it’ll carry food, diapers (both dirty and clean) back up clothing for your babe and yourself. This bag will get leaked into, dropped and put into all sorts of dirty places, like your trunk. The more you spend the more you’ll cry about it when you realize that it’s gone to shit.

5. Baby shoes
When I say this I mean don’t bother buying your 1-3 month old shoes as all they are gonna be wearing are onsies.
Even in the summertime.

6. Headbands
Dude, you’re little girls head is soft and she just wants to chill!
You have a lifetime to make her look “pretty”.
For now, settle on having her be comfortable for the only time she can be completely comfortable.

7. Pee-Pee Teepee’s
HA! If you think that covering your little mans dong while you change him will save you then good luck chuck!
Just learn to change him as quickly as possible as these things NEVER stay on!
If you do get peed on, just laugh about it and save that story for future purposes.

8. 10 diffent baby rockers.
From my personal experience your baby gets accustomed to what you get them accustomed to.
Pick a rocker, my favorite is the MamaRoo, and stick them in it.
They will find a way to love it.
There is no need for ten of them!

9. Wipe warmers
What a fucking mistake.
Once you get your baby used to warm wipes you are hanging yourself out to dry kid!
A baby knows what you have gotten it accustomed to.
Cold wipes, washing their bums in the sink or whatever other method you choose to use is all they will ever know.
Warm wipes are a touch much.
Don’t ya think?

10. Fancy furniture
This is a serious one!
What you may not understand is that your kid will grow up to chew the hell out of that crib.
Make sure that the crib of your choosing is not filled with any paint toxins and you are golden!
You don’t need to spend an arm and a leg on a crib that you’ll be using for two yesrs.
Focus on a proper mattress as that is what they are actually  sleeping on.

Pointer: NOOK Sleep Systems Organic Pure mattress is amazing and will take you a long way with one baby down to the last.

Daycare Rant

It has come to my attention over and over again that our decision to enroll Nate into daycare is a bad decision to some that are daycare nay Sayers.    Here is a list of things in response to that opinion:

1. The kind of person I am is probably very different than who YOU are. This means that our parenting styles will most likely differ as well.

2. If I choose to send my child to daycare, it does NOT mean I am being neglectful. 

3. I don’t give a rats ass what you do with your children. Unless you notice that MY children are malnourished or abused, please mind your own business.

4. The kind of daycare that my child attends has a well planned out curriculum that I am incapable of providing at home. Not to mention that I don’t have 16 other kids to contribute at the moment. It’s called social interaction. This planet is need of this said thing as we are raising armies of anti-social people. Daycare/Preschool has it.

5. If you are a stay at home parent who home schools your kids, GOOD FOR YOU!

If you are a stay at home parent who doesn’t, GOOD FOR YOU!

If you work an eighty hour week and have a nanny, GOOD FOR YOU!

If you work, have a nanny and send your kids to daycare, GOOD FOR YOU!

If you are a stay at home parent, with a nanny, who’s kids go to daycare, GOOD FOR YOU!

*See how that works

6. If my children behave like sociopaths please voice your opinion as to how we are raising them. Until then, please refrain from any conversation relating to our decisions as parents, as it is NONE of YOUR business.

7. I understand that everyone has a different point of view. You need to start getting with that same outlook, SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.

8. Daycare does NOT breed neglected children. It is an environment for children to learn and grow while forging friendships with kids that they may otherwise have never met. Besides, we literally spend ALL of our available time with our children. We disconnect from this overly connected world and connect to our children. We hug them, kiss them, talk to them, play with them and are ALWAYS available to them.

9. Please stop comparing parenting styles. It is getting obnoxious. 

10. Parenting is hard enough as it is. It is like a rat maze with the lightest scented cheese at the end so the course is extremely hard to navigate. It doesn’t make it any easier when people start putting in their two cents in relation to our parenting choices. Especially the CHOICE to send our son to daycare.   

This list is not made to offend anybody. It is an informative reference tool. If you ever feel the need to start judging other parents, please refer back to this list for a reality check. Don’t be fooled. Nobody has perfect children, not even you, and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Let’s start supporting one another more and maybe we’ll raise a generation of children that are tolerant, empathetic, social and kind. 

The Truth about Tantrums

Imagine talking to your parents and explaining your deepest feelings and fears just to have them respond with a dumbfounded look on their faces.
They ask you questions like “what was that?” or look at eachother and ask “what does he/she mean?”.
That would probably be the most frustrating feeling.
This can cause hurt feelings and potentially a fight.
Now think about your two year old.
They have finally developed all of the skill sets to conquor their universe.
The stairs are no longer a journey but a quick few steps.
They’re communication skills, just like their flavor palate, are now developed enough to point out the things they like and the things that they don’t like.
Once in awhile they get really tired and irratble because of that nap that they fought off.
Since they are new to the art of speaking and are very comfortable with the language of crying this now becomes their default response when they are too tired to think.
Here comes the famous tantrum.
It’ a tornado of emotions, screams, yelps, tears and on occassion a stop, drop and roll motion.
It also usually happens in a very public place.
Nate is not a huge tantrum guy.
For that reason exactly, when he goes into tantrum mode it is exteme.
The first time it happened we were at a mall that is chock full of everyone that I would rather avoid when in these types of situations.
He was very young and insisted on walking alone even though he fell after a few steps.
The moment I tried to put him into the stroller he went into full meltdown mode and there was nothing stopping him.
Rather than try to argue or bargain with him I just let him get his frustration out.
He noticed that his behaviour was not affecting me and slowly began to unwind.
It was in that moment that I realized he wasn’t crying because he was being a brat, he was crying because he was having a hard time communicating his feelings.
As adults we verbalise most everything and the things we don’t say we show through our facial expressions.
This has become second nature to us and we forget that it’s a skill set that takes time to develop.
To toddlers this is a brand new skill that is extremely elaborate. Like with all new endeavors, they face challenges and set backs. Different facial expressions to convey different messages.
Different vocal tones to explain our emotions.
This is all really complicated stuff so it’s no wonder that they lose it once in awhile.
If you ask a dentist to explain the theory of relativitey they would probably feel frustrated too because it’s something foreign to them.
So next time your toddler has a Rambo style meltdown at the mall, ask yourself what they are trying to tell you rather than getting annoyed and yelling.

Our Infant Toys are a Bust

I’ve made an executive decision to give away all of the infant toys that we have in the house as Benny is interested in everything but his toys.
Here is a list of things that Benny loves:

The remote control

He can find it no matter where I hide it.
It can be on the couch, the side table, even the kitchen table and he will find it!
He learned how to cruise because he wanted to get to the remote as it was taunting him by hanging out innocently on the couch.

My Fake Birkenstocks

Let me begin by saying that this kid gives me a run for my money when it’s time to eat food but as soon as he sees my Birks he starts salivating.
I don’t know if it’s because I am a shoe addict and he caught the addiction in utero or if there is simply something appetizing about the light grey suede straps.
Whatever it is, it drives me up the wall!
He literally follows me around in anticipation for me to take them off for him to go to town with them!

The Ancient Yet Still Existant Hand Held Home Phone

Here is something that you need to know about me.
I have a paralyzing fear of cell phone and microwave radiation.
Although radiation may have nothing to do with either of these things, I have convinced myself that they do and that it is life-threatening (cue raised the eyebrows).
For that reason we still have a home line (cue oohs and ahhs at the ownership of this ancient communication device).
Benny loves the house phone.
He particularly loves to throw it around like a ball.
I can be on the phone and he crawls up to me with the intention of taking it from me.
I am amazed at how well devised his plan of action is at such a young age.
He is actually obsessed with this phone.

So there you have it.
Since Nate is a toddler and Benny was born with a remote control/shoe/home phone fetish our infant toys are now obsolete.

Any takers?


Adam recently sent me an email with a link to an article.
This particular article discusses something so important that I felt the need to share it with you.
The author, Filicity Hannah, discusses how dismissive adults can be with toddlers and young children.
She points out that although as adults we don’t think that toddlers understand social cues, in reality they do.
For example, when Nate comes up to one of my friends and starts to talk about how the firetruck went weeeyou weeeyou weeyou and down the street to save a cat, he wants to be heard.
In many cases as adults our response will be “WOW” and we simply turn away and continue with whatever it is that we are doing.
Although we would assume that a two year old has no concept of condescension, we are in fact wrong.
By dismissing their story we have hurt and offended them.
Felicity points out that she too is responsible for this type of behaviour and how it can one day nip her in the butt.
She mentions that if we behave this way with our children when they are young, they are less likely to confide in us once they are older and their problems are bigger.
This article made me realize that I too am reponsible for this kind of belittling behaviour.  I am often busy with chores, emails, phone calls or other insignificant things while Nate is telling me his exciting story and my response is “WOW, really?”.
The funny thing is that I am always concerned with how my children will turn out.
Will they be kind, honest and respectful?
That all depends on how I communicate with them.
Thanks to my sweet and smart husband Adam for the “hint, hint” “nudge, nudge”.
Here is a link to the original article:

Taboo Baby Talk

If there is any advice I could give a new parent it is this:
Don’t EVER discuss your child’s good sleeping habits.
Why, you ask?
It is because the second you divulge that kind of information your child ceases to sleep at all!
Call it the curse of the mommy/daddy gab.
It happens to the best of us.
You sit at the hottest family friendly restaurant in town with your crew of infants, toddlers and parents.
You start off with some adult conversation but somehow get sidetracked into the kiddie talk corner.
Here comes the dreaded question: “How are you sleeping?”
Translation: “How is the baby sleeping?”
Due to what I like to call “the haze” you respond thoughtlessly:
“Last night we slept through the night!”
Que the “oohs”, “ahhs” and daggers.
After a lite lunch (too lite but that baby fat ain’t so phat!) you make your way home for the baby’s nap.
On the way home you do everything to ensure that that baby does NOT fall asleep because transferring them is naptime suicide.
You get home, prepare a bottle, change that stinky diaper, put on some comfy bed gear, feed them and put them down for that two hours of uninterrupted you time.
You walk out feeling lite as a feather.
Then you hear it: “WAHHHH, WAHHH, WAHHH, NAHHH, GAHHH…..”
Oh S**T!!!
What is going on?!?
Yep, its the curse.
Murphy’s Law guarentees that once you utter the words “good sleep” in relation to your children, you will NOT be sleeping again for awhile.
You inevitabley give in to the cries and take them out to play.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you hope that this will lead to a full nights rest but rest assured that that my friends will not be happening for you.
So suck it up, drink it up (coffee that is) and wait it out.
This will teach you not to talk about taboo things, like your baby’s great sleep habits.

Sleep time Battles

Sleep time in this house is golden.
There is a routine that is put in place right from the first day that our boys came home from the hospital.
It goes a little something like this:
Eat, bath time, massage, get dressed, story, sleep.
This worked beautifully until Nate turned 2.
Not 18 months.
Not 23 months.
I swear I think that on the night of his second birthday the sleep rebellion had commenced.
We do all of the things that we have always done.
We don’t have the television on in the evening.
We don’t do anything stimulating other than the 5-10 stories that we read to him; we both agree that this is excessive but he loves it and we love him so why not?
We make sure that he is pretty much asleep and then we sneak out of his room.
Within SECONDS he shoots up and we hear the pitter patter of his little feet running to the stairway.

Nate: “aba.” (Other word for dad)
Adam: “Go to bed Nati.”
Nate: “Abaaa… Why aba?”
Adam: “Nati you have to go to bed so that you won’t be tired tomorrow.”
Nate: “Come up Aba!”

Then Adam goes upstairs and lays in bed with him until he falls asleep.

This worked up until very recently.

Now Nate doesn’t want Adam to leave at all so he keeps him there hostage.
He jumps around.
Smacks him.
On occasion he’s even hit him pretty hard in the nether region.
Adam inevitably loses his cool and leaves the room.
This automatically resets the process and this goes on for a good two hours.
It’s what I call toddler terrorism.
Adam has to be there until Nate falls into the deepest sleep possible and only then can he sneak out.
Don’t be fooled, in a couple of hours Nate “sleep walks” into our room and snuggles up to Adam.
There is no escaping it and we are officially out of ideas.