Imagine talking to your parents and explaining your deepest feelings and fears just to have them respond with a dumbfounded look on their faces.
They ask you questions like “what was that?” or look at eachother and ask “what does he/she mean?”.
That would probably be the most frustrating feeling.
This can cause hurt feelings and potentially a fight.
Now think about your two year old.
They have finally developed all of the skill sets to conquor their universe.
The stairs are no longer a journey but a quick few steps.
They’re communication skills, just like their flavor palate, are now developed enough to point out the things they like and the things that they don’t like.
Once in awhile they get really tired and irratble because of that nap that they fought off.
Since they are new to the art of speaking and are very comfortable with the language of crying this now becomes their default response when they are too tired to think.
Here comes the famous tantrum.
It’ a tornado of emotions, screams, yelps, tears and on occassion a stop, drop and roll motion.
It also usually happens in a very public place.
INSERT EMBARRASSMENT HERE.
Nate is not a huge tantrum guy.
For that reason exactly, when he goes into tantrum mode it is exteme.
The first time it happened we were at a mall that is chock full of everyone that I would rather avoid when in these types of situations.
He was very young and insisted on walking alone even though he fell after a few steps.
The moment I tried to put him into the stroller he went into full meltdown mode and there was nothing stopping him.
Rather than try to argue or bargain with him I just let him get his frustration out.
He noticed that his behaviour was not affecting me and slowly began to unwind.
It was in that moment that I realized he wasn’t crying because he was being a brat, he was crying because he was having a hard time communicating his feelings.
As adults we verbalise most everything and the things we don’t say we show through our facial expressions.
This has become second nature to us and we forget that it’s a skill set that takes time to develop.
To toddlers this is a brand new skill that is extremely elaborate. Like with all new endeavors, they face challenges and set backs. Different facial expressions to convey different messages.
Different vocal tones to explain our emotions.
This is all really complicated stuff so it’s no wonder that they lose it once in awhile.
If you ask a dentist to explain the theory of relativitey they would probably feel frustrated too because it’s something foreign to them.
So next time your toddler has a Rambo style meltdown at the mall, ask yourself what they are trying to tell you rather than getting annoyed and yelling.
Today, like most Saturday’s, Adam took Nate to soccer as I put Benny down for his nap.
I should realistically be napping and trying to catch up on all of the lost sleep through the week but I find myself restless.
Instead I make myself another cup of coffee and enjoy it in the company of me, myself and I.
After being married for almost four years and having two young children I find that catching up on sleep is not necessarily what I need.
What I need is a pause in my week.
A time where I can reflect upon what has happened and not to think of what is to come.
I take the time to remind myself to be thankful for all of the blessings in my life and to remind myself not to take these blessings for granted.
I think about a little girl named Clover that lives far away, that I have never met in person yet I feel connected to in spirit.
She is a baby warrior who is fighting the battle of a lifetime.
I take a moment to pray for her and her family.
For her mother Keeley who is going through something that nobody can possibly understand unless they have experienced it for themselves.
I remind myself that broken glasses, stained shirts and tantrums are all things that should be taken lightly as there are so many bigger things happening in this world.
I allow myself a moment to feel deep sadness and pain at the idea that there are things in this world that are completely out of our control.
Then I remember that there are things that we can control.
We can control our temper when our kids act up.
We can allow ourselves to lose control and be supremely affactionate and loving.
We can control the amount of time that we spend worrying about trivial things and apply that time to the important people in our lives.
Once that is all done I get back to the groove of things until the week comes full circle and I am back in my comfy bed with my cup of joe.
Adam recently sent me an email with a link to an article.
This particular article discusses something so important that I felt the need to share it with you.
The author, Filicity Hannah, discusses how dismissive adults can be with toddlers and young children.
She points out that although as adults we don’t think that toddlers understand social cues, in reality they do.
For example, when Nate comes up to one of my friends and starts to talk about how the firetruck went weeeyou weeeyou weeyou and down the street to save a cat, he wants to be heard.
In many cases as adults our response will be “WOW” and we simply turn away and continue with whatever it is that we are doing.
Although we would assume that a two year old has no concept of condescension, we are in fact wrong.
By dismissing their story we have hurt and offended them.
Felicity points out that she too is responsible for this type of behaviour and how it can one day nip her in the butt.
She mentions that if we behave this way with our children when they are young, they are less likely to confide in us once they are older and their problems are bigger.
This article made me realize that I too am reponsible for this kind of belittling behaviour. I am often busy with chores, emails, phone calls or other insignificant things while Nate is telling me his exciting story and my response is “WOW, really?”.
The funny thing is that I am always concerned with how my children will turn out.
Will they be kind, honest and respectful?
That all depends on how I communicate with them.
Thanks to my sweet and smart husband Adam for the “hint, hint” “nudge, nudge”.
Here is a link to the original article:
When a baby is born we all focus on this beautiful miracle.
First we make sure that all of the vital signs are there and then we move on to all of the tests that help us understand whether or not everything else is okay.
We revel in the beauty of this little human and are now curious as to how this little person will develop.
In the hustle and bustle of it all we forget to look at the person who gave birth to this child.
This person was once on her own, just like the rest of us.
Worrying about trivial things.
Trying to figure out which outfit goes with which occasion.
Then the big bang happens; literally and figurativily.
This is followed by the “plus” sign on the little plastic stick and BOOM!
The feeling that a woman gets when she finds out that she is carrying another human being in her body is unbelievable.
Now comes a forty week journey.
This takes a lone soul on a journey with a new soul that is literally connected to her.
Within these forty weeks this woman grows and develops immensley; physically, emotionally and mentally.
She becomes a protector.
She becomes a nurturer.
She becomes a mother.
She goes through an immeasurable amount of emotion.
Then one day that baby comes a knocking; more like a PUNCHING or if you were more like me, a KICKING!
The moment that child comes out she is officially a mother.
A creator of life!
She is so overwhelmed with joy and love that the world around her feels like a soft cloud.
Any pain she recently felt is now non existant. Take a moment to remember to love her and her journey.
To know that there is a real person behind the little person that was just born.
We need to love her.
Celebrate her for all that she is.
She is a mother and that is truly a beautiful thing.
1. I get to have a lovely and well planned out dinner with the famjam.
Usually dinners are a Smörgåsbord of ingredients that I throw together on the fly.
2. I get to spend two glorious days with all of my boys.
3. It’s a great night to catch up on all of our PVR’d shows from the week.
1. My planned out dinner is more work than I bargained for. It is late one hundred percent of the time and by the time it is served the kids are full on bread.
2. I LOVE my boys but they can be a handful when put together. They rile each other up and the house becomes a war zone of toys and food splattered all over the place.
What does this mean you ask?
It means that I get to clean and cook MORE. YAY!
3. Love me some PVR’d programs until I realize that it’s three in the morning.
By default the kids will be up by five thirty in the morning.
This is what I like to call a huge FML!
So I guess my Friday is a mix of YAY and NAY.
If there is any advice I could give a new parent it is this:
Don’t EVER discuss your child’s good sleeping habits.
Why, you ask?
It is because the second you divulge that kind of information your child ceases to sleep at all!
Call it the curse of the mommy/daddy gab.
It happens to the best of us.
You sit at the hottest family friendly restaurant in town with your crew of infants, toddlers and parents.
You start off with some adult conversation but somehow get sidetracked into the kiddie talk corner.
Here comes the dreaded question: “How are you sleeping?”
Translation: “How is the baby sleeping?”
Due to what I like to call “the haze” you respond thoughtlessly:
“Last night we slept through the night!”
Que the “oohs”, “ahhs” and daggers.
After a lite lunch (too lite but that baby fat ain’t so phat!) you make your way home for the baby’s nap.
On the way home you do everything to ensure that that baby does NOT fall asleep because transferring them is naptime suicide.
You get home, prepare a bottle, change that stinky diaper, put on some comfy bed gear, feed them and put them down for that two hours of uninterrupted you time.
You walk out feeling lite as a feather.
Then you hear it: “WAHHHH, WAHHH, WAHHH, NAHHH, GAHHH…..”
What is going on?!?
Yep, its the curse.
Murphy’s Law guarentees that once you utter the words “good sleep” in relation to your children, you will NOT be sleeping again for awhile.
You inevitabley give in to the cries and take them out to play.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you hope that this will lead to a full nights rest but rest assured that that my friends will not be happening for you.
So suck it up, drink it up (coffee that is) and wait it out.
This will teach you not to talk about taboo things, like your baby’s great sleep habits.
You know what grinds my gears?
The fact that I spend hours slaving over a delicious home cooked meal and my eleven month old is more interested in getting to the doggy kibble.
I mean, COME ON!